A few days before we celebrated the Jewish New Year it occurred to me that we were exiting my son's Bar Mitzvah year. It also occurred to me that most of the posts in this blog have been about My Girl (MG) and not much has been said about My Boy (MB). So this one is for you, MB.
Jewish boys celebrate their Bar Mitzvah (which means Son of the Commandments) at the age of 13, while girls celebrate their Bat Mitzvah at the age of 12. Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah means boys and girls become responsible for their actions - the responsibility for their behavior, including the adherence to Jewish law, traditions and ethics becomes their own as opposed to that of their parents. As a Bar Mitzvah the young adult can take part in leading prayer services; reading the weekly Torah (Bible) portion in synagogue; donning the Tefillin (phylacteries- see picture above) during the weekday morning prayers, and he can be counted in a Minyan - a quorum of 10 male adults essential in Orthodox Jewry for the holding of public prayers. Basically, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is the Jewish coming of age ceremony.
Bar Mitzvahs are celebrated in many ways by different families, but most times the boy is called up to read the Torah on his big day and to hold the prayers in public. The boys build up to the important day by learning about Judaism, its ethics and its laws with a Rabbi and also they study the reading of the Torah portion to perfection. And on the big they it is them alone on the Podium, holding the prayers for the congregation of adoring family members who proudly look on. Especially the parents of the boy.
Anyway. Being a bit of a stickler for perfection, I made sure MB started having his Torah lessons well in time, something like nine months before the big day. And MB took it all in stride. He never complained and always went willingly to his classes. It helped that our Rabbi is a soft-spoken and gentle man, just right for MB, who is soft-spoken and very shy.
And that was my terror. That my shy baby would not be able to take the pressure of this whole group of people looking at him to see him perform. I already saw him feeling ill before having to man the podium, his sweet voice wobbly with fear. My niece, who was Bat Mitzvah a few years earlier, vomited on the big day, but then managed to pull herself together, performing grandly, with the help of some magical Pepto Bismol.
The Rabbi said MB should practice every day, but my cool son decided twice a week would be enough. He also would whisper (well, sort of) while he practiced at home, and very often I had to call out to him from my kitchen (while I was preparing dinner) to read louder because "I can't hear you!!!" and "The synagogue is very big. People won't be able to hear you. You have to sing louder!"
My shy and sweet little boy just continued to do what he was doing, completely ignoring my advice. Admittedly, I was a major pain in the butt.
Meanwhile, My Man (MM) and I were busy with the preparations, the main one being choosing a synagogue and a hall for a dancing party. We decided we'd have the Torah reading in Jerusalem, as the city holds a special meaning for all Jews, but especially for us Jews who grew up out of Israel. We also wanted to have a whole weekend with the family in a hotel near the synagogue -to make sure no one would have to travel on the Saturday as dictated by Jewish law and to make the Bar Mitzvah a whole weekend event, including Friday night dinner and Saturday lunch. My sisters would be coming with their children from abroad as well as my in-laws from Holland. It was going to be fun, but also a lot of stressful preparation was needed.
To be continued....
Photo 1: Tefillin. 2.bp.blogspot.com/.../
Photo 2: Hecht Synagogue, Mount Scopus. Photo credit: travel.webshots.com
image51.webshots.com/.../
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Dear ME,
ReplyDeleteHurry up and write the next chapter!
My boyfriend is Jewish (and I'm obviously not), so I know I can ask him, but I also want to ask you - "Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah means boys and girls become responsible for their actions - the responsibility for their behavior, including the adherence to Jewish law, traditions and ethics becomes their own as opposed to that of their parents." How far does this extend? What are the day to day implications in the your lives? It sounds like there is community support and expectations. Is it really a clearly defined difference in responsibility?
I love this concept - in America too many young persons are never expected to be responsible for their own lives. My two offspring feel very responsible for their own lives, but I had to work hard to help them grow into that - this kind of support would be incredible.
I want to know so much more.
debi
Dear Debi. Thank you for reading. Well, the major difference occurs if you are orthodox and go to the synagogue every day - then you are considered part of the Minyan (without 10 men some of the prayers cannot be said) and you have to don the tefillin every day. So you actively feel you are part of being counted as a "man" in what concerns the Jewish community. However, if you are not orthodox, and a secular jew, the becoming a man is felt more in terms of being now responsible for what you decide to observe as a Jew and as a fellow human being. Whereas once the consequences of decisions to fast or not, to eat Kosher or not, or other behavioural decisions fell on the shoulders of your parents, now as a Bar/Bat Mitzva the weight of the decision is on your shoulders. Of course, on a day to day basis there is no real change in the lives of the Bar Mitzva (expect perhaps physical, you'll see in my next post). The change in responsibility is mostly symbolic. I think that the fact that many boys do undertake the Bar Mitzva studying and reading aloud makes them take the whole reponsibility thing quite seriously. I hope this helps. Keep on reading! ME
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